The Adams girls
Phyl, Madge, Dorothy
Phyl
Phyllis Mary, the eldest of Lucretia’s and Herbert’s three daughters, was working as a ‘cashier’ when she married John Henry Mitten on 2 February 1935. Phyl was 18 years old and John 20, an ‘ironworker’. As each party had not yet reached “marriageable age”, consent for the marriage was given by the bride’s father, Herbert Adams (also an ‘ironworker’), and the bridegroom’s father, James Henry Mitten (‘railway employee’). By 1935, the cracks in Lucretia’s and Herbert’s marriage were becoming apparent, and it was around this time that Herbert deserted his family. These difficulties in Phyl’s family may well help explain some of the problems that would shortly emerge in her own marriage. These were, again, two young people still growing to maturity, even allowing for the earlier age of marriage at that time.
The court reporter provides a
pithy summary of the case :
MITTEN V.
MITTEN
Details
of a raid on a week-end cottage at Marks Point at 10 p.m. on January 10 were
related in the case in which John Henry Mitten, of Paddington, petitioned for
divorce from Phyllis Mary Mitten, formerly Adams, on the ground of her adultery
with Jack Sandford, a seaman, of Jubilee Lane, Newcastle, who was joined as
co-respondent. Mr. C. Shannon., instructed by Mr. S. S. Mitchell,
appeared for petitioner. Decree nisi was pronounced. Sandford was ordered to
pay the costs. Petitioner was given the custody of the child. Mitten said that
on October 12, 1937, his wife left home and went to her mother's place. They
quarrelled frequently about her going to dances and being brought home by men.
Returning home at 10.30 one night he found the child in the cot and his wife
missing. Subsequently he met her but she refused to return to him. Accompanied
by Keith Lobley, of Mathieson Street, Carrington, and Harold Booth, of Wickham
he went to a week-end cottage at Marks Point. Lobley knocked on the window and
said it was the storekeeper who wanted to see Sandford. When Sandford, who was
in his pyjamas opened the door they rushed in. Sandford asked if it was a raid.
In a double bed they saw Mrs. Mitten. Mitten said he took possession of certain
articles of clothing. Both his wife and Sandford declined to sign for the
clothing.
The allegations in the court
documents, accepted by the Judge, are that from August 1940 onwards Phyl
“co-habited continuously with him (Jack Sandford) and lived with him as his
wife”. In the same Court proceedings, John Mitten applied for “leave to proceed
In Forma Pauperi”. He produced evidence that he had lost his job at Lysaghts at
the Newcastle Steelworks, was now working for meagre wages of £4 per week at
Alexandria in Sydney, and out of this paying £1 per week for the support of his
infant child, and rent. He had also been unable to pay a maintenance amount of
£1/8/6 per week to his wife. The court accepted his application to pay no fees.
Although the Decree Nisi was
granted on 22 May 1941, as reported in the above newspaper article, in fact
proceedings had been under way since January of that year. There is a statement
in those earlier proceedings, dated 13 January 1941, which adds to the pathos
of this situation :
“After my wife left me, she commenced
proceedings against me in the Children’s Court at Newcastle, when I was ordered
to pay to her £1/8/6 per week. Subsequently I applied to the Children’s Court
at Newcastle for a variation of this Order on the grounds of her adultery with
the above-named co-respondent (Sandford), when the court varied the said Order
to nil.”
The Decree Absolute was
granted 9 months later, on 13 February 1942, and included the following
decision of the Judge :
..….the Court
“doth further order that the petitioner (John Mitten) do have sole and
permanent custody of Warren John Mitten, the issue of said marriage.”
Various explanations have
been advanced over the years as to why Warren lived with his father and not his
mother, including that his father had forcibly removed him from his mother’s
care, and that Phyl’s new husband, Jack Sandford, refused to allow Warren to
live with them. The above Court documents now reveal the truth.
It’s no surprise that John
Mitten needed to call on his mother, Mabel, to help with the care of young
Warren. John had had to relocate to Sydney to find work. I remember each
Christmas my mother receiving a card from “Ma Mitten”, and it is comforting to
know that the estrangement between the Adams and the Mittens was not complete.
Neither was the estrangement between mother and son complete, and there was
some measure of contact in the early years, including with Phyl’s sons Barry
and David, from her marriage (in February 1942) to John Leslie Sandford. Not a
lot of contact, and remembered more by Barry – David was too young. In recent
years Barry and Warren have built on this sibling connection, particularly important
for Barry following the death in 2005 of his younger brother David.
Some may wonder why I spend
this much time on this particular story. A big part of the answer, I think, is
that it fills in for me what has been a shadowy mystery in my family story, and
one that I have wondered about for years. I was very fond of my Aunty Phyl, and
spent many school holidays with my Sandford cousins. I knew of Warren, but
nothing more. Initially I assumed he may have been born from a non-marriage
relationship of Phyl’s. But then when it became clear to me that he was the
child of an earlier marriage, I wondered why there seemed to be no contact. And
the only thing left to fill that void were a range of contradictory
assumptions. Until now.
Phyl was a daughter in a
troubled family where her own father had disowned her, and it is easy to speculate
that her own first marriage was both a flight from that tumult and a flight to
the security of what promised to be a new and safe life. As much as the facts
as we know them - through newspaper reports and court documents - are
uncomfortable, even disturbing, they don’t tell us the complete story, the
feelings, motives, hopes and despair of the protagonists, of what else was
going on in their lives.
John Mitten also married
again shortly after, to Eileen Maud Thomas, in June 1942. However this marriage
was itself dissolved in 1948, on the grounds of John Mitten’s desertion since
June 1944. In fact, he placed his relationship with his growing son at a higher
premium than his marriage, and would return to Newcastle as often as possible,
and most weekends, to stay with his mother Mabel (“Ma”) who was raising the
child. His third marriage, in 1950, to Patricia Margaret Butler was a long and
successful one. The couple moved to Melbourne, Pat’s home town, taking Warren
with them and further children were born there.
Phyl had married Jack Sandford on 6 February, 1942, which was one week before the 'Decree Absolute' finalising her divorce from John Mitten. Perhaps the court was aware of this when it awarded sole custody of Warren to his father, I don't know. I do know that this second marriage was a love match and a happy union. Two sons would be born, Barry, one year older than me, and David, one year younger.
Mum was close to her sister, Phyl, and our two families would see a lot of each other over many years. The Sandford house, at 24 Dawson Street, Cooks Hill is where my own memories of Newcastle begin. It's where I first watched the magic of television - black and white, but viewed through a sheet of blue cellophane paper draped over the screen. 'Snowing' was a regular feature of early TV reception, when the screen could lose sharp definition and take on a fuzzy, 'snowy' look - I don't know if the blue cellophane really helped minimise the annoyance and distraction of this 'snowing', but it was certainly the belief in many households.
Aunty Phyl was gregarious and warm-hearted, and the Sandford family visited us regularly. My cousin Barry reminds me that they came to live with us for a few months at Tallimba, in the mid-west of NSW, when we had the pub there. I was 5 years old, turning 6, at this time and I have only vague memories of this. I suspect that Phyl came to be with us and help look after me and my 2 year old brother Neil, while mum was pregnant with her 3rd child. Helen was born in January 1953, and the Sandfords stayed on long enough for Barry and David to join me at the 2 teacher Tallimba Public School.
Phyl was only 55 when she died in 1971. She had kidney problems for some years, which lead finally to chronic renal failure, then congestive cardiac failure, and cardiac arrest. Her early death was a shock to us all, and a loss keenly felt by my mother, who had now lost both her sisters.
Dorothy
The third daughter, Dorothy,
has always been a source of sad speculation, at odds with the available photos
which show an apparently healthy, happy person. Her early death remained a
permanent dark cloud in our family, a reminder of the fact that one can come to
terms with grief and loss, but never fully recover from it.
We grew up knowing of the
lingering pain and grief for mum, Nan and Phyl, that stayed with them and at
times would come gently to the surface. We were told that Dot died from
tuberculosis, a dreaded disease of the day, not easily detected and not
uncommonly misdiagnosed. Known also as “consumption”, a century earlier in
Britain it accounted for 25% of all deaths. Mum and Nan believed that a
weakened immune system resulting from “chills and colds” that had themselves
resulted from inadequate drying of Dot’s lustrous hair, worn long in the
fashion of the day, was the root cause of the TB bacteria gaining a foothold.
Possibly a more likely explanation is drinking unpasteurised milk. Part of the
treatment regime was often time in a “Sanatorium”, which path Dot followed.
Dot would have been around 13
years old at the time her father deserted the family. There is no indication
that in later years, as his daughter’s health deteriorated, he was in any way
involved in her life. Indeed, in her application for the Decree Absolute, Nan
makes clear that she had borne all the medical expenses for Dot. From the time
he left the family, Herbert never returned, and it is most unlikely that he
would have attended the “big” events of subsequent marriages and funerals.
An engagement announcement in
the Newcastle Sun, Thursday 24 August 1944 informed the community of the
engagement of Dorothy Isobel Adams and Corporal Eric Firth. Corporal Robert
Eric Firth, NX136875, enlisted in the 2nd AIF on 18 October 1942,
and at the time of his engagement to Dot, was attached to the 1 Division
Provost Company - he was in the Military Police. He was
discharged from the Army on 30 December 1944, and his marriage with Dot
followed a year later on 1 December 1945.
We don’t have dates for Dot’s illness and hospitalisations, but surely
it was apparent at this time that her health was not good. In fact, at the time of her wedding, she was
already on the slow spiral of decline that would lead to her death. Their
wedding photo, emerging from St Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Newcastle,
captures a mood of restrained celebration, a seriousness behind eyes not quite as
joyful as one expects at a wedding.
My mother remained very fond
of Eric Firth, and described him as a “lovely man”. He was 7 years older than
Dot, she being 23 and he 30 years old, at the time of their wedding. Seven
months later, on 23 June 1946, he would provide the information for her Death
Certificate. The three causes of death listed were Cardiac Syncope,
Tuberculosis (laryngeal), and Pulmonary infection – in other words,
tuberculosis leading to pneumonia which led to heart failure. It is hard to
imagine the grief of that time.
In the official records, Dorothy’s second name of ‘Isobel’ is spelt that way , with one exception – her Birth Certificate. Her father supplied the information for the registration of her birth, which is registered as ‘Isabelle’. His mistake? It appears to have never been used again, with the spelling ‘Isobel’ preferred.
After leaving the Army, Eric
returned to his trade as a Butcher. He remarried in 1949 and he and his wife
Jessie had 2 daughters and stillborn twins. He died himself in June 1965, on a
Friday night at the Tighe’s Hill Social Club, suffering a heart attack which resulted
in instant death. He was aged only 49, and his occupation was by now “Master
Builder”. The shock of this sudden death would have been felt very much by
those in my family who still remembered him fondly, Nan, mum, and Phyl. For
mum, it was another Christmas card that she would no longer receive.
Madge
The middle daughter, Madge,
my mother, was herself already married at this time. Indeed, at the time of
Dot’s death she was already one month pregnant with me. As I will explain
later, mum wasn’t married in Newcastle, but I can’t help wondering if the early
years of her married life were spent there to be close to Dot and her mother in
some very difficult times.
Of the three Adams girls,
Madge is the one who is frequently mentioned in the social pages of the
Newcastle papers!! Or so I thought for some time, as reference after reference
to Madge Adams singing at various social occasions, jumped out at me from The
Newcastle Sun and the Newcastle Morning Herald and Miners’ Advocate. Now I am
less sure, and I think it far more likely that 1940’s Newcastle was graced by
two Madge Adams. A pity – this had been building to a wonderful story!!
Far more certain is this
story from the Newcastle Sun, of Tuesday 29 October 1940 , under the headline :
DANCE AT CITY
HALL FOR SPITFIRE FUND
One of
the most successful dances of the season and one of the best attended was held
at City Hall last night by the R.A.A.F.
Reservists.
The
object of the dance, which was attended by many uniformed men from the Rathmines Base, was to aid the
Spitfire Fund. Mrs. C. S. Clayton, of the tutorial classes is the chairman, Mr. E. O. Reynolds the
secretary, and Mr. S. Brennan the treasurer, of the committee, which was assisted
by members of the R.A.A.F. Comforts Fund Committee,……then
follows a list of all committee members, and a list surely of every lady who attended and what she
wore………….including………………Miss Dot Adams had
her velvet coat trimmed with fur and wore it with a light floral taffeta frock.
Miss Madge Adams trimmed her black satin taffeta frock with Valenciennes lace.
The
following year, on Wednesday 17 September 1941, the Newcastle Sun carried a
lovely studio photo of mum which was accompanied by these words :
“Miss
Madge Adams, second daughter of Mrs L Adams, of Newcastle, whose engagement to
Gunner Frank Cleary, AIF, only son of Mr and Mrs T Cleary of Yass, is
announced.”
The engagement came only four
months after her mother’s Divorce case. Is there a significance in this? I have long felt that my mother had been to
some extent a victim of her times. As the great depression bore down, reaching
its peak in Australia in 1932, mum and her sisters left school to also do what
they could to bring money into the household. Mum always wished she could have
had more education. Over my years of boarding school and seminary, her letters
to me were written in a “good hand” and conversational style, full of news,
with occasional opinions coming to the surface. I have recently seen a number
of letters mum wrote to the management of Tooth and Company, during her hotel
partnerships with dad. They are well written letters, and, to my mind, stand
out in the Tooth files among countless letters from other publicans, for their
clarity and good business sense. She clearly found her metier in business
correspondence and management.
Like her own mother, and
possibly her elder sister Phyl, it is possible to understand her own marriage
as shaped by a childhood of difficulty and growing to adulthood in an
environment of economic collapse and emotional turmoil at home. Into the
industrial city came a country bloke of charm and probably some blarney. This
would have most likely been in 1940 / 41, when Dad’s unit was in Newcastle for
training. Dad had enlisted in the AIF on 28 May 1940, and was posted to the 1st
Anti_Aircraft Regiment. Units of this Regiment were rotated through Newcastle
for specialist training, through 1940 and 1941, at the time her own parents
were divorcing. Somehow, somewhere in that steel-making city they met.
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